EMDR for Complex Trauma: Why Experience (and Customization) Matter

If you’ve tried therapy before and either felt overwhelmed, spun up, or quietly wondered whether EMDR might be “too much” for you, you’re not wrong to be cautious. EMDR for complex trauma needs something different.

Complex trauma doesn’t live in one memory. It lives in patterns: how your body reacts, how your thoughts loop, how control became survival. When that’s your history, jumping straight into trauma processing can feel like stepping on the gas without knowing where the brakes are.

This is where EMDR therapist experience and customization matter.

I work with people whose nervous systems have learned to stay on high alert, often smart, capable people who have already done a lot of insight work and don’t want to be pushed faster than their system can handle.

That’s where working with an experienced EMDR therapist becomes essential.

EMDR for Complex Trauma is Different

For people with complex trauma, we don’t usually jump right into reprocessing memories. Instead, we start with building safety and regulating distress, so your brain isn’t overwhelmed. You’ll learn how to gently “titrate” into the work, step by step, rather than diving in headfirst.

I’m trained in advanced EMDR methods that adapt the model for brains that tend to go into overdrive. This includes tools like:

• Interweaves (extra support when processing gets stuck)
• Moving back and forth between soothing skills and trauma work
• Flash technique which makes the “dose” much smaller and more manageable
• Neural Desensitization and Integration Training (NDIT) a gentler approach for highly activated nervous systems that uses more narrative techniques
  

EMDR Safety for Complex Trauma and Neurodivergent Brains

Many people with complex trauma are also neurodivergent or live with conditions like ADHD, OCD, or autism. These brains don’t need “more effort” they need different pacing.

I adjust EMDR to fit how your attention actually works. That might mean shorter sets, more frequent check-ins, movement, or modifying the structure so we don’t accidentally turn processing into overthinking or compulsion.

If something isn’t working, we don’t push harder. We change how we’re working.

Finding the right EMDR therapist

The right EMDR therapist doesn’t just “do the protocol” they customize it for your brain, your history, and your pace. That difference can mean healing finally feels doable instead of like another dead end. A good EMDR therapist doesn’t just follow a script. They notice when your nervous system is overwhelmed, when thinking is looping, or when control is slipping and they know how to respond.

If you’re interviewing therapists, it’s reasonable to ask how they work with complex trauma, what they do when processing stalls, and how they help clients stay regulated. There’s no single “right” answer but you want someone who can slow things down without losing direction.

When EMDR Is Done Right, It Should Feel Safe and Collaborative

EMDR has many ways to adapt the work when someone needs more support. You don’t need to know all the techniques, that’s my job. What matters is that I’m paying attention to your nervous system and adjusting in real time so the work stays effective and safe.

If EMDR has felt intimidating, overwhelming, or like something you’d need to brace yourself for, it doesn’t have to be that way when the work is paced for your nervous system.

You can learn more about how EMDR works in plain language here → How EMDR Therapy Works (Without the Jargon)

Or, if you’re wondering whether EMDR might be a fit for you, you’re welcome to reach out and ask.

How EMDR Therapy Works (Without the Jargon)

If you’re struggling with unresolved trauma or distressing thoughts, EMDR may be a valuable option for your healing journey. If you have tried talk therapy and got stuck you might be referred for EMDR to try methods that work at a different starting point. Especially if you have intrusive images, thoughts, sounds, or even smells EMDR likely is an excellent way to change your connection and anxiety over this trigger. Consult with a trained EMDR therapist to explore how this approach can support your recovery.

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, but don’t worry, you don’t need to remember all that. Here’s what actually happens:

How EMDR Therapy Works – Phases of Treatment

Your first phase is assessment where you get to be in control of how much you share and how many details. You will be asked about your thoughts about yourself related to your trauma so that we can pair a thought and an image to process later. Your second phase is about learning ways to calm yourself. This phase can be short or it can last while to make sure you have tools to take good care of yourself. Most of them are simple to learn and you will practice them in and out of sessions.

In the next phase, you’ll revisit a memory or feeling from a past trauma but you won’t do it alone. Your therapist helps you safely bring up that memory, along with the thoughts or beliefs that still feel painful or stuck.

Then comes the “magic” part: bilateral stimulation. That just means doing something that gently engages both sides of your brain, like watching lights move back and forth, tapping on your shoulders, chest, or legs, or using small buzzers you hold. While your brain is busy with that light distraction, you focus on the memory.

This gives your brain the chance to reprocess it, kind of like taking a file that was stuck and helping it move into long-term storage without setting off your internal alarm bells anymore.

As the memory becomes less distressing, your therapist helps you shift to a more helpful, grounded belief about yourself. One that actually supports your healing.

What’s Really Happening in Your Brain During EMDR: The Working Memory Edition (Nerd lite)

At its core, EMDR therapy uses your brain’s working memory to help desensitize distressing memories from trauma.

Here’s how it works:

Your working memory is like your brain’s mental “scratchpad” it’s what you use to temporarily hold and process information. But it has limited capacity. That’s important.

In EMDR, your therapist guides you to bring up a distressing image, memory, or belief that’s linked to past trauma. At the same time, you engage in something called bilateral stimulation, like eye movements, alternating tapping, or buzzers that activate both sides of your body and brain.

This creates a dual attention task:
You’re holding a charged memory and processing bilateral input at once.

Because your working memory has limited bandwidth, the emotional intensity of the traumatic memory gets disrupted. Your brain can’t fully keep the memory vivid while it’s also managing the stimulation. It “scrambles” the distress signal just enough to allow you to reprocess the memory without getting overwhelmed.

Over repeated sets, the memory becomes less vivid, less distressing, and more neutral. Once the distress drops significantly, your therapist will help you “install” a new, more adaptive belief. This replaces old trauma-based thoughts like “I’m not safe” with something like “I survived” or “I’m in control now.”

This is not hypnosis or suppression. It’s how your brain naturally integrates unresolved material when it finally feels safe and supported enough to do so.

Who Can Benefit from EMDR?

EMDR is effective for people experiencing:

• PTSD and trauma
• Anxiety and panic attacks
• Depression
• Grief and loss
• Phobias
• Performance anxiety

Why Choose EMDR?

• Fast-acting: Many people report significant relief after just a few sessions.
• Holistic: EMDR addresses both emotional and physical responses to trauma.
• Empowering: People regain control over their memories and emotional responses.

How EMDR Therapy Works = Is it Safe?

Yes, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) is considered a safe and effective therapeutic approach. It is an evidence-based treatment that has been extensively researched and is widely used for trauma recovery and other mental health conditions. Skilled EMDR therapists have the ability to adapt your treatment to your specific needs, especially related to the speed of your processing and need for support. You can learn more about how I work with complex trauma here → EMDR for Complex Trauma: Why Experience (and Customization) Matter

Leaving Chaos Coordinator in the Past – A Therapist Real Life Story

I spent many (many) years working in a hospital doing group, individual, and family therapy, including a solid stretch during COVID. Oh … the stories I have. I’ve solved a lot of problems with nothing but a graham cracker and a jar of glitter. Ever wonder if you could do therapy in a shrek voice or have three people cry on you dressed up as a fairy godmother because it’s costume day? BTDT.

A beloved coworker once gave me one of my favorite gifts: a desk plaque that read “Chaos Coordinator.”

I displayed it proudly on my desk. It made it in the box I took with me when I left. I loved it.
And honestly? I love the version of me who earned it.

But I’m not her anymore.

Where I Am Today – Hospital Therapist to Private Practice Therapist

I’m embracing roles that don’t require juggling 15 balls at once. I’m saying no to demands that exceed my actual capacity unless I’m willing to burn myself out (spoiler: I’m not). When someone tries to manipulate me, I know myself well enough now to stay grounded in reality instead of getting pulled into the chaos.

That said… no one evolves in one dramatic, perfectly regulated leap.

The other night, the big kids were out with their dad. My youngest had fallen asleep in her bed. I took a long, hot shower, the rare, quiet kind that makes you feel like a real adult, an adultier adult. I kept hearing a bump… thud… bump at the bathroom door. I assumed it was my younger rescue dog, Peanut Butter Cup wanting to get inside. My other dog was already locked in the bathroom with me because he was being a menace and she didn’t deserve that.

I finish my skincare routine (because self-care, obviously), open the door, and find this.

So yes, my days as Chaos Coordinator may be ending.
But chaos, unfortunately, did not get the memo.

(Peanut Butter didn’t either)

For overdoers whose anxiety wants them to PIVOT every time something doesn’t go exactly how they thought it might.

I use images like this because anxiety lives in the body, not just the words. A visual gives your nervous system something to grab onto before your brain starts overanalyzing. Metaphors and images create a pause, a moment of recognition, and a felt sense of “oh, that’s me” before logic ever kicks in. For people who live in their heads, pictures interrupt the loop in a way explanations can’t, and that interruption is often where change actually starts.

TLDR: Because words alone won’t shut my brain up.

Happy Anxiety Shutting Down Friends.

Sometimes the first step to healing doesn’t come from a perfectly planned moment. Sometimes it starts in chaos or an anxiety spiral.

A client recently told me they found me during a full-blown anxiety spiral, typing into ChatGPT, looking for anything that could help them breathe. And somehow, the internet led them to me. I wish I could say they were the only one to find me mid-scroll, wondering, ‘Why can’t I make my life not feel like a mess?’ But they weren’t. It’s pretty rare to reach out for therapy because you think it might be a nice little thing on your to do list.

It was a yes moment for me, a moment when a lot of behind the scenes work came together.

Because while I spend time writing blog posts, updating my website, and tweaking search terms behind the scenes, the real goal of all of that? Is connection. Helping someone find a lifeline in a moment when they feel like they’re drowning.

That moment matters. And it reminded me: therapy doesn’t usually begin with a calm, thoughtful decision. Sometimes, it begins with desperation. With not knowing what else to do. With searching for something– anything – to ease the panic, the pressure, the exhaustion of trying to hold it all together.

If that’s where you are right now, you’re not alone. I offer anxiety therapy across Texas, and I see a lot of clients who find me in those exact moments. So if you’re searching ‘Am I having a panic attack’ whether it’s that, toxic stress, or garden-variety anxiety—here’s something you can do right now.

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Anxiety Spiral Survival Kit –

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1. Do a Sensory Reset (5-4-3-2-1)

Ground your nervous system using your five senses. This helps your brain shift out of panic mode.

• 5 things you can see:
  Look around the room. Name each one out loud.
  “The lamp. My phone case. That shadow. The corner of the rug. My shoes.”
• 4 things you can hear:
  Tune in to even the smallest sounds.
  “The fridge hum. A bird outside. The buzz of my phone. The soft tap of my foot.”
• 3 things you can touch:
  Reach for texture and describe it.
  “My sweater is fluffy. The chair is firm and rough. My mug is smooth and warm.”
• 2 things you can smell:
  This might take effort. Try:
  “The peppermint lip balm. The soap on my hands. My coffee.”
• 1 thing you can taste:
  Use a mint, lemon candy, gum, or just take a slow sip of something. Let the sensation flood your mouth.

Say it all out loud if you can. Talking out loud overrides spiraling thoughts and slows your brain down.

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2. Breathe But Don’t Count

Don’t worry about perfect breathing techniques right now. Just focus on slowing your exhale.

Try this:

• Inhale gently.
• Exhale slowly, like you’re sighing on purpose.
• Each time, let the exhale last a little longer.

Do this for 5 to 10 breaths. That’s enough. In this moment, you’re ok enough to breathe.

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3. Talk Back to the Fear

That thought in your head saying “It’s all falling apart?”
It’s lying. Or at least, exaggerating.

Ask yourself:

• Is there anything I can actually do right now?
  If yes, take a small step. Write down the next one and do it any time that’s not today.
• If it’s 11:00 PM and it’s out of my hands?
  That’s not the moment to solve it. That’s the moment to shower, wrap up in a blanket, and put yourself to bed.

Both are valid.

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🗣️ 4. Repeat a Word Out Loud

If your brain is looping, try repeating a single word or short phrase out loud.

Examples:

• “I’m safe enough right now.”
• “Pause. Pause. Pause.”
• “This is not forever.”

Saying it aloud can short-circuit the thought spiral. Let your voice anchor you.

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5. Walk, Even Just a Little

If you can, stand up. Walk around your space. Step outside. Circle the kitchen table if it’s all you can do.

Why? Your brain wants to go into fight-or-flight. But walking = safety.
It tells your nervous system, “If we’re walking, not running, we must not be in danger.”

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6. From the end of an anxiety spiral – Shift Gently Into Comfort

Now that you’ve grounded your senses and slowed your breath, shift into something that feels like comfort or relief:

• Make a hot drink (tea, cocoa, anything).
• Watch your favorite sarcastic TV show.
• Put on music and dance, even badly.
• Wrap yourself in a blanket and squeeze tight.
• Text someone safe with a simple “Hey, just needed a hello.”

You don’t have to come out of this moment perfect. You just have to come out of it ok enough.

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✨ Final Reminder

You have survived hard moments before.
You are surviving one right now.
You can get help with the deeper stuff later, but in this moment, your only job is to help your body feel safe enough to breathe.

You don’t have to earn rest. You just need it.
You don’t have to figure it all out. You just need a next step.

If You’re in an Anxiety Spiral or Panic Right Now, Read This

If you’re here because you’re overwhelmed, anxious, and exhausted, if you found this post while looking for someone who gets it, I want you to know:

It’s not too late. You don’t have to do it alone.

Therapy can be the place where you get to exhale. Where you don’t have to be “on.” Where someone finally sees you, not for what you do, but for who you are. And maybe, just maybe it’s a place where you can start to ask the question you’ve been afraid to ask. “What if I didn’t do all of this?”

And if that’s what you’re needing? I’d be honored to walk with you.

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Therapy for Women Who Do Too Much, Feel Too Much, and Still Think It’s Not Enough

I specialize in working with high-functioning, anxious women, often the ones who are seen as reliable, competent, always-there-for-everyone-else. But under the surface, they’re running on fumes. They’re overthinking everything. They’re hiding a history of trauma or relational pain behind perfectionism, people-pleasing, or overworking.

Maybe you’ve been the “strong one” for so long that the idea of asking for help feels foreign or even shameful.

But here’s the truth: You’re allowed to be seen. You’re allowed to have needs. You’re allowed to reach out before everything crashes – or even if it already has.

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Online Therapy for Adults and Teens Across Texas

I offer online therapy throughout Texas, along with in-person sessions in Hurst (in the Mid-Cities between Dallas and Fort Worth). I work with adults and teens, and I bring warmth, honesty, humor, and a deep respect for your unique story.

I also provide trauma-informed care, EMDR, and love helping healthcare workers who have struggled with how their anxiety has been affected by their jobs.

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Ready to get started and tame your anxiety spiral?
You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation here or request a phone call or ask some questions anytime at jessie.tirrell@lastingconnectionstx.com. Or if you’re not ready to talk yet, explore more about how I work here.

Your story matters. Even the messy, panicked parts.

You’re not too much. You’re just too alone with it. Let’s change that.

There’s a moment, quiet but undeniable—when you know: you can’t keep going like this.

You might still show up. Still play the part. Still tell yourself to be grateful. But something inside of you whispers (or maybe screams):
This is not sustainable.

It’s a strange kind of limbo. You haven’t left yet. Maybe you can’t. Not today. Not this month. Not until something shifts logistically, financially, emotionally.

You might be in a job that’s slowly eroding your health. A relationship where you’ve had to shrink to survive. A role that once felt like home, now turned brittle and sharp. And even when you know it’s not working, leaving feels like standing at the edge of a cliff with no safety net below.

If you’re in that space – between the knowing and the doing – I want you to hear this:

You are not broken for feeling stuck.
You are not weak for needing to wait.
You are not alone.

Sometimes people survive systems they were never meant to thrive in.
Sometimes what looks like “staying too long” is actually the bravest possible thing when you’ve been keeping others afloat, navigating trauma, or slowly reclaiming your sense of self.

And even here, yes, even here, healing is still happening.
Even before the leap, your body and mind are taking stock. Gathering clues. Building strength. Testing the edges of what might come next.

There’s a version of you waiting on the other side.
Not a shinier, more productive version. A freer one. One who doesn’t have to brace every time her phone buzzes. One who wakes up and doesn’t dread the day before it begins. One who is still her, but lighter somehow.

You don’t have to know what comes next to believe in her.

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If You’re Still in Survival Mode: How to Anchor Yourself

When you know you’re ready for change, but you’re not quite out yet, your nervous system needs help staying grounded. Here are a few practices that can help you hold on when it feels like everything is fraying:

1. Find a safe corner inside yourself.

Visualize a space in your mind or body where you feel even a little more at peace. It could be a memory, a color, a place, a prayer. Return there often, even for 30 seconds. It’s a quiet form of resistance.

2. Give your distress context.

Say to yourself:

“This isn’t a sign I’m failing. This is what distress feels like in a system that’s no longer right for me.”
Naming the context helps reduce shame and gives your pain meaning.

3. Anchor in routine where you can.

One familiar meal. One playlist that calms you. One bedtime ritual that feels doable. These tiny, consistent acts can signal safety to your nervous system when everything else feels shaky.

4. Create moments of micro-choice.

Even in the most constrained situations, you have small choices. What you wear. What you say no to. How you organize your time. Start by taking back one area where you’ve felt powerless.

5. Speak gently to the part of you that feels trapped.

That voice might say, “We’ll never get out.” You don’t have to shut it down but you can respond with:

“I hear you. It’s hard. But we’re working on it. We’re not stuck forever.”

6. Let someone hold hope for you.

Whether it’s a friend, a therapist, or a line from a book, borrow hope if you can’t find it. Sometimes we don’t believe in the next chapter until someone else helps us imagine it.

How to Get Started on a Plan Because You Deserve better than a toxic job or a toxic relationship

1. Get Clear on What’s Draining You

Start with a short, honest inventory:

• What specifically is hurting you?
• Are there patterns, people, or situations that spike your stress?

This clarity helps you name the problem, which is the first step to loosening its grip.

2. Identify What’s Still in Your Control

Even when you feel stuck, you’re not powerless. You may not be able to quit the job or leave the relationship today, but you can:

• Set firmer boundaries
• Take mental health days
• Practice detachment with difficult people
• Build emotional support outside the system

Small choices restore a sense of agency.

3. Give Yourself a Timeline

Hope gets stronger when you have something to look toward. Try:

• A 3-month survival plan
• A 6-month transition window
• A 1-year “if nothing changes, I’ll need to…” checkpoint

Time-bound plans help your nervous system relax. They remind your body and brain: we won’t be here forever.

4. Connect to a Bigger “Why”

You’re not staying because you’re weak. You’re staying because something matters—your kids, your income, your safety, your values. Naming that “why” can reduce shame and build inner alignment. But hold space for the part of you that’s exhausted, too.

5. Build Support in the Meantime

You don’t have to go it alone. A therapist, support group, friend, or mentor can walk with you while you sort out your next step. You can be healing while still in hard places.

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You’re not failing because you’re still in it.
Sometimes surviving is the work.
Sometimes you don’t realize how strong you are until you see how long you’ve been carrying what no one else could see.

You don’t have to stay in survival mode forever.
There’s a different way to live—and you are already becoming the version of you who will make it there.

And when you’re ready to build that next chapter, I’ll be here to help you write it.

You don’t have to stay stuck.
If you’re in survival mode and wondering if things could ever feel different—there is a way forward. It won’t happen overnight, but it can happen gently, one regulated breath, one safe step at a time.

If you’re ready to start imagining a life that feels less like just surviving and more like you, I’d be honored to walk with you.

Schedule a free consultation to see if we’re a good fit, or explore more about how therapy can help you move from survival into something new.

We vacation in Maine. My husband’s family has a cabin there and it’s been part of our story for a long time. Showing up in the powerful wilderness and letting it fill my spirit is a routine I hope to never lose. Maine is amazing and weird in the best way. And there are parts of Maine that are so remote that you kiss the ground when you find a rocky logging trail that looks like a hiking trail in North Texas because you MIGHT find a tiny town with a gas station before your tank hits 0.

I love it but not quite as much when I’m alone.

This year my husband and our older two kids did a backpacking trip on the Appalachian Trail. It was hard. Knife-edge climbs, longer-than-expected trails, and my younger son was probably just a little too young to be able to handle it, but he was showing up as a rockstar and he did it. When they hit peaks, they’d send me pictures (proof of life!) and from the last peak, I got a call asking me to bring the Switch when I picked them up. My husband wanted to give our son a win at the end. He’d earned it, but it had hit his breaking point.

From Adventure to Why Did I Do This?

The pickup point changed. They didn’t make their original time and we had to route around highways on Penobscot land that were closed. Because in this part of Maine, sometimes a “highway” is a dirt road through someone’s private property. I got in our giant van with my trusty yoga pants, reliable Tevas, a Google Maps route, and my two younger kids and set off, knowing there were about six miles of unpaved roads. And then turned around because I forgot my wallet and figured since we were stopping I should probably grab water bottles for the kids. It was a sign about how this trip was going to keep showing up. This was supposed to be a 90-minute drive.

Things were fine for the first 45 minutes. Then came the turnoff.

The road narrowed. Rocky. Confusing turns. It started to look like a dirt bike trail. But Google kept insisting. Small branches scraped the van. Holes opened up. A fallen log. No cell service. I realized this was a really, really bad idea.

I tried to call my husband to calm down. My body and I talk now and I knew it was entering the very not ok place. No service. My kid asked, “Are we stuck?” My brain told me the answer was probably yes. I didn’t say it out loud.

The Me Who Showed Up

Younger me would’ve cried and demanded someone else do the hard thing. But this wasn’t younger me. I’ve done hard things. And I had two kids with me, two kids on a mountain depending on me, and a husband counting on me to show up.

There was no going forward. No use doubling down on a bad plan. I had already made that bad call twice on this forsaken raccoon trail, not a third time.

So I backed out – a half mile – getting out to check the road, inching around rocks and roots, K-turning a 12-passenger van through a forest trail. I did about 30 K-turns to get around that fallen log. It wasn’t the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done, but it was close. If you’re on the fence about a Ford Transit, that thing drives like a good pickup truck. I’ll never say bad things about it again.

I remembered while close to hyperventilating mid backup giving birth to my third son and thinking, “I can’t do this.” The nurse didn’t think I could either. But there was no one else to birth that child. I remember the doctor holding on, not looking me in the eyes because she was checking that baby and saying “you have to do this.” I kept going because in that moment it hit me like a lightning bolt. There was no one else to birth that baby. No one else was going to get me out of this trail. So I kept going and shut up that voice that said “you can’t.” And I kept going here.

Crisis Averted – But It’s Still Not All Right

Eventually, GPS reconnected. I found another road. Tried again. Then again. More trails, more dead ends showing up. I remembered a workaround I’d read about. Saw the sign. Ignored it at first because Google said not to take it. It only takes two paper bags for me to get lost in, I needed the navigation help. Then found a literal pond on the pitted, rocky road, ten feet across, turned around and took the sign road. No better plan. Still no service. I was three hours late. It was getting dark. The kind of dark only the deep country reveals to you. I started counting emergency blankets and water bottles.

Because that’s what moms like me do. We don’t pretend to be happy when we’re panicking. But we don’t spread panic to people who can’t help either. I kept my voice calm. Turned around again. Took the new road. 13 miles to the next junction. 15 miles per hour in the dark in that van lumbering, bumping. Waiting for the crash down that the blinking tire pressure warning told me was going to be a very bad time. It looked better until it didn’t. Rocky, hard, but better. When it got rougher there were no options. So I kept driving murmuring to myself to relax my death grip on the wheel.

I was lost lost for three hours. I saw one person the whole time, sleeping in their car. So many times Google showed a junction … into a field? Is the van supposed to leap over the tree stand? Eight miles into the new road, it smoothed out. Pavement finally showing up. I told my son who had thrown up 15 minutes earlier, “Look, an actual road.” He threw up his hands and yelled, “Hallelujah!”

Showing Up on Paved(ish) Roads

We were almost there. My heart was shaking and I could feel my breath catch in my throat, but my hands and my voice were steady.

And I found them. My husband and our boys were walking up the gravel path, headlamps blazing. They knew something had gone wrong. My husband had talked to them about self-rescue, how to keep moving, how I would find them. And I did.

I may be late, lost, and a little dirty but dammit, I show up for my people.

Fifteen minutes later, the tire blew. Because of course it did. But we were together. The sky was pitch black and filled with stars. We were 20 minutes from the nearest town, but it felt like a different world.

I didn’t change the tire, my husband did. There was me hovering, offering to hold a light, to watch for cars, refusing to go back in the van. I just didn’t want to leave him alone. We got back in, got home by midnight, and I pulled out leftovers for everyone.

The whole time I kept thinking: “No one else can do this but you.” And the truth is, that doesn’t guarantee you can do it. Grit and positive thinking won’t always beat a moose in the dark or a busted axle.

But this time, I did it.

The Aftermath of Showing Up

I thought that moment would become a traumatic memory. Something that would intrude, make me curl my toes, make me feel like a failure.

But it didn’t traumatize me.

I hate that I had to do it. But it showed me who I’ve become. I’m strong enough to hit the skids and find a way out. Smart enough to stop doubling down on bad plans. Brave enough to act when the moment demands it. And I don’t rely on other people to do my emotional heavy lifting.

I’m proud of me.

And I’m proud that I showed my kids I show up for them. Not perfectly. Not the way I planned. But fully. I learned a lot of this from my husband. I’m glad I got to give back some of what he taught me when we were younger.

Because I may be bad with directions, but I never get lost when it comes to showing up for who I love.

This is what I know now and what I bring to my work as a therapist.

Sometimes the road looks wrong. It’s rocky, unpaved, and you’re not sure your wheels, or your nervous system, can take much more. You might think you’ve made the wrong choice, or missed the easier way home. Maybe you’re afraid you’ll get stuck here, overwhelmed and alone.

But the truth is, we’re allowed to course correct. We’re allowed to pause, ask for directions, and find a new path that takes us somewhere safer. And even if the road was hard, it doesn’t mean you failed. It might mean you’re braver than you ever realized.

In my therapy practice, I help clients who are strong on the outside but anxious, overextended, or burnt out on the inside. People who are trying so hard to hold it all together that they forget they don’t have to do it all alone. Therapy with me isn’t about perfect plans or tidy roads. It’s about getting real, being seen, and finding your way back to yourself even when the map has let you down.

Hear me now, you’re not too much. You’re not broken. You’re just navigating terrain no one warned you about. I’m here to help you chart a path that’s actually yours. If therapy takes us off-road, that’s fine. I’ve driven through worse with a car full of kids and half a granola bar. I don’t rattle easy.

For the clinician searching for a safe place to land

So, you’re the therapist.
The one people trust.
The one who always holds the heavy stuff with grace, skill, and a slightly-too-full calendar.

And now, you’re tired in a way you don’t quite have language for.
Not just physically. Existentially. Deep in your bones.

You might still be showing up, still doing good work.
But somewhere inside, a voice is whispering:

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this like this.”

And here you are. Looking for a therapist.
Worn out, over functioning, and feeling weirdly guilty that you need help, too.

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You’re Not Broken. You’re Maxed Out.

Let’s start there.

Burnout for therapists doesn’t always look like collapse.
It often looks like:

• Resentment creeping in where compassion used to live
• Decision fatigue about simple things like dinner or documentation(did you ever think you’d cry over not being able to pick between chicken or fish?)
• Fantasy-scrolling job listings in other fields (could I be a dental assistant?)
• Wondering if maybe you’re just not cut out for this anymore

And then what happens? You talk yourself out of it.

“Other people have it worse.”
“I have great clients.”
“I just need a weekend off.”

But weekends don’t touch this kind of tired.

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You’re the One Who Knows the Signs

Which makes it harder to admit you’re seeing them in yourself.

You know what burnout is.
You probably explain it to your clients with metaphors and pacing strategies.
You’ve got your EMDR scripts, your Polyvagal theory, your grounding tools.

And still, here you are, tired and searching, hoping maybe someone gets it without you having to over-explain.

Let me say this plainly:

You deserve a place where you don’t have to be the competent one.
You deserve a space where you can say “I can’t keep doing this” without fear that it means you’re failing.
You deserve care that meets you where you are – not where you “should” be.

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Therapist Overfunctioning FAQ

The “This Is Fine” Edition – For When You’re Burning Out but Still Saying ‘I Got This’

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Q: I’m exhausted but hey, it’s just a busy week, right? I can handle this.

A: Oh, honey, if “busy week” feels like a slow-moving apocalypse, let’s pump the brakes. Saying “I got this” while running on empty is like trying to drive a car with no gas and no brakes. Spoiler: it doesn’t end well.

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Q: I’m seeing 30 clients a week, but I love my work! Isn’t passion supposed to carry me?

A: Passion is awesome – until it turns into martyrdom. You’re not a superhero; you’re a human with limits. Let’s stop pretending you can pour from an empty cup and still make coffee.

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Q: But I’m good at holding it together. Doesn’t that mean I’m fine?

A: Holding it together is a skill. But so is collapsing, just saying. Being “fine” on the outside while your nervous system files a restraining order against you isn’t sustainable. Spoiler #2: Nobody wins in that scenario. By the way unpacking “am I worthy if I am not producing” is one of my very favorite things to unpack and help people defuse.

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Q: If I slow down or say no, clients will think I’m unreliable.

A: Guess what? Clients actually respect boundaries (when you have them). Saying no isn’t letting people down, it’s showing you care enough about your work and yourself to do it well.

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Q: I can handle the paperwork later. It’s not urgent.

A: The paperwork is urgent, but procrastination feels safer, right? Newsflash: buried admin is like an emotional boomerang. It comes back around with interest, usually when you’re least prepared.

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Q: I don’t want to look weak asking for help or therapy myself.

A: Asking for help is brave. “Weak” is the myth we tell ourselves to avoid vulnerability. I know we like the view of the client couch but sometimes we have to be willing to put our rear in that seat.

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Q: I’m just tired, but I don’t want to quit or take a break.

A: Tired isn’t a personality trait, friend. It’s your body and brain begging for a pause. Ignoring that “pause” button doesn’t make you tougher, just more burnt out.

Q: Only bad therapists are burnt out and I don’t want that to be me.

A: A: Let’s bust that myth right now. Burnout doesn’t care if you’re amazing, experienced, or passionate. It happens to the best of us. In fact, the best therapists often push themselves hardest and carry the heaviest emotional loads. Burnout isn’t a sign of failure or incompetence, it’s your nervous system’s way of saying, “Hey, slow down before I make you stop.” So if you’re worried about burnout, you’re actually paying attention, which is exactly what keeps you from becoming “that therapist.” Read more about this here! Burnout is not a dirty word!

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Final Snarky Truth Bomb:

If you’re here arguing with yourself that “this is fine,” it’s definitely not fine. That’s the first step, admitting the myth of “I’m okay” is wearing thin. Need some data (oh data is almost as good as our cardigan collection isn’t it?) Take a therapist burnout quiz

Ready to stop running on fumes? I’ve got you.

Need a therapist who gets it and won’t shame you? Check out my availability

What Therapy Looks Like With Me (For Therapists)

This space isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about giving you room to tell the truth.
About what hurts.
About what’s unsustainable.
About what it costs to keep holding space in a system that doesn’t always hold you in return.

You don’t have to impress me.
You don’t have to show up perfectly regulated.

Heck, you can admit that you didn’t use your stupid coping skills thank you very much!
You can bring the gallows humor, the emotional mess, the part of you that keeps saying yes when you want to scream no.

This is a room for you.
Not the version of you that your clients know.
The real one who’s starting to fray at the seams and needs to be witnessed, not managed. Because no matter how good you are (and I bet you are) no one can be their own therapist.

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If You’re On the Edge, You’re Not Alone.

There are more of us than you think. Therapists quietly burning out in the “good” jobs, the good private practices, the places we thought would save us.

Seeking therapy doesn’t mean you’re not cut out for this work.

It means you’re wise enough to know:

• When you’re at capacity
• When your nervous system is sending SOS signals
• When it’s time to let someone else carry the clipboard for a while

If that’s where you are, I’ve got room for you.
You don’t have to do this part alone.

Burnout Survival Guide

For Therapists Who Keep Giving, Even When They’re Running on Empty

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1. Recognize the Signs Early (Before the Crash)

Burnout rarely appears overnight. It creeps in as:

• Chronic exhaustion that doesn’t improve with rest
• Feeling detached or numb during sessions
• Increased irritability or frustration with clients and colleagues
• Physical symptoms like headaches, stomach issues, or sleep problems
• The “this is fine” voice whispering louder and louder

Reality check: If you’re nodding along to most of this, it’s time to listen to your nervous system instead of drowning it out.

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2. Set Realistic Boundaries And Stick to Them

You’re a helper, not a superhero. Boundaries are your best friend. Try:

• Limiting your client sessions to a sustainable weekly number (20–25 is a good target)
• Protecting your mornings or afternoons for breaks and admin tasks
• Saying “no” or “not right now” without guilt when clients request last-minute changes
• Reserving at least one day or half-day per week for yourself (no sessions, no admin)

Pro tip: Boundaries help you show up better for your clients. They’re not a luxury, they’re essential.

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3. Build Micro-Breaks Into Your Day

Even a 5-minute break between clients can help reset your nervous system. Use these moments to:

• Take a few deep, grounding breaths
• Step outside or open a window for fresh air
• Stretch or do a quick movement break
• Drink water mindfully (yes, hydration counts!)

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4. Streamline Admin and Paperwork

Admin tasks can pile up and weigh on your brain like a slow leak. Combat this by:

• Batching paperwork into specific times during your week
• Using templates or automation tools to save time
• Considering a virtual assistant or admin support if your budget allows
• Keeping a simple checklist to stay organized and reduce overwhelm

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5. Invest in Your Own Therapy and Support

If you’re still saying “I don’t have time for therapy,” you’re exactly the person who needs it most. Therapy:

• Provides a safe place to process your own emotions
• Helps you build coping tools for stress and burnout
• Reminds you that you’re human, not a machine
• Reprocess in a way that works

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6. Practice Compassionate Self-Talk

When your inner critic shows up with “You should be doing more,” gently remind yourself:

• You’re doing the best you can, today is enough
• Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary
• Mistakes and limits are part of being human, not failure

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7. Prioritize Rest and Recharge

Rest isn’t just sleep (though that’s crucial). It can look like:

• Saying no to extra commitments
• Engaging in hobbies that bring joy and calm
• Spending time with loved ones without agenda or pressure
• Disconnecting from work emails and messages outside work hours

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8. Know When to Ask for Help or Slow Down

If you’re experiencing any of these, it’s a sign to pause:

• Emotional numbness or cynicism toward clients
• Physical symptoms like frequent headaches or stomach issues
• Trouble sleeping or feeling anxious constantly
• Feeling overwhelmed by simple tasks

Don’t wait until you’re burned out beyond repair. Reach out early for support, supervision, or a reduced schedule.

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Bonus: Quick Grounding Tool for Between Sessions

5-4-3-2-1 Sensory Check:

• 5 things you can see
• 4 things you can touch
• 3 things you can hear
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste (or a positive thought)

Use this to quickly bring your focus back and calm your nervous system.

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Final Thoughts

Burnout isn’t a weakness or failure. It’s a signal your nervous system is overtaxed and asking for care. You can build a practice and life that honors both your passion and your limits.

Ready to make sustainable changes? You’re not alone and you’ve got this.

When Identity Shifts Feel Subtle but Profound

There are moments in therapy—both as a clinician and a human—when something shifts in a way that’s hard to describe. Not because it’s dramatic or loud, but because it happens quietly, beneath the surface. You’re not performing a new role. You’re becoming someone different. And you may not even notice it right away. This is doubly true if you are an overachiever and the first few times it felt absolutely awful and you ran away from it.

In the last few months, I’ve been sitting with the way change can feel gentle. Not forced. Not declared. Just… chosen. Sometimes repeatedly, sometimes reflexively.

The Softening After the Hard Fight –

When you’ve spent years in survival mode—doing the work, fighting for healing, overcorrecting to feel safe—it’s easy to believe that change only counts if it hurts. If it’s hard. If you’re sprinting toward it with everything you’ve got.

But I want to challenge that. Because some of the deepest identity shifts don’t come from the fight—they come from the release.

For me, it looked like slowly choosing softness. Wearing my hair differently. Letting go of things I used to use to “look put together” because it turns out, I already am. Wearing lighter makeup. Being more honest in my “no.” Letting myself walk away from certain systems, ideas, and performances I once relied on.

And not once did I write it on a goal list. It just… emerged.

Your Identity Can Shift Without You Making a Grand Announcement

If you’re in a season of healing, growth, or post-burnout reevaluation, you might notice things like:

• You stop overexplaining yourself in texts.
• You say “I don’t have the bandwidth for that right now” without spinning out afterward.
• Maybe you change your clothes, your voice, your energy—and realize it feels more like you.

These aren’t superficial changes. These are signs your nervous system is settling. That you trust yourself a little more. That you’re orienting toward who you are, not just who you’ve trained yourself to be.

Let the Change Come Quietly If It Wants To

There’s nothing wrong with the messy, dramatic growth. But if your shift feels like a deep exhale or a slow thaw, that counts too. Maybe even more so.

Sometimes identity work looks like deep EMDR sessions or intense trauma processing. Maybe it looks like softening your makeup, wearing your natural hair, or being less performative in how you show up at work. Sometimes it looks like taking up space without apology.

You don’t owe anyone a name for it. But if you notice it, honor it.

You’re not going backward. You’re not falling apart.
You are becoming someone who no longer needs to hold everything so tightly.

Ways to Sustain and Develop Identity Shifts (Even When They’re Subtle) Overachiever to Good Achiever Counts!

When you start feeling different—but can’t fully explain what’s changing—it’s tempting to ignore it, minimize it, or assume it’s temporary. Here’s the truth: your system is catching up with your healing. And you can support that quiet momentum in simple, intentional ways.

Here are actionable tools to help your identity shift stick:

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1. Name the Version of You That’s Emerging

Call her something. Not necessarily a title, but a tone.

• The one who rests before she breaks.
• The one who lets her shoulders drop in meetings.
• The one who doesn’t apologize for not texting back immediately.

👉 Tip: Journal or voice memo about her for 5 minutes. What does she wear? Say? Say no to?

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2. Let Your Environment Match the Shift

You don’t need a whole makeover. But you may feel better when your outer world reflects your inner one.

• Put away items tied to who you used to be (the anxious overachiever, the fixer, the “together one”).
• Rearrange something. A desk. A drawer. A playlist.

👉 Tip: Choose one object, one habit, and one outfit that reflect who you’re becoming.

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3. Build Micro-Rituals Around the New You

Rituals help make the new identity real.

• Light a candle when you sit to journal as “her.”
• Wash your face slowly instead of rushing.
• Take 5 deep breaths after setting a boundary—even a small one.

👉 Tip: Pick one “tiny ceremony” that marks the version of you who’s not chasing approval.

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4. Get Bored with Your Old Narrative

Let the old story feel boring. Not because it’s unimportant—but because you’re not starring in that role anymore.

• Stop rehearsing the version of you who always over-explains or fixes.
• Catch yourself when you try to make the old pain interesting again.

👉 Tip: When you catch yourself playing the old part, say “That’s not my job anymore.”

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5. Track Evidence, Not Perfection

Change doesn’t feel like fireworks. It feels like responding differently to a familiar situation.

• Notice when you pause instead of people-please.
• Track the moment you took up space instead of shrinking.
• Celebrate when you didn’t spiral over a mistake.

👉 Tip: Keep a “Soft Shifts” list in your notes app. Don’t explain it. Just record the proof.

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6. Protect the Shift from Overprocessing

Sometimes we strangle progress by trying to dissect it too much.

• Let things feel good without earning it.
• Don’t turn every good day into an emotional lab.
• Trust that your system knows what it’s doing.

👉 Tip: Instead of asking, “Why am I different?” ask, “What does this version of me need more of?”

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7. Let It Be Quietly Real

You don’t have to perform your healing. You don’t need to post about it. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

Subtle change is still change.
Private peace is still power.

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Therapist’s Note:
You don’t have to do all of this. Pick one that feels easy and doable. Tiny rituals, micro-choices, new words in your mouth. That’s how you grow into yourself—not by working harder (we both know you are REALLY good at this), but by working differently.

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Want more on nervous system shifts, self-trust, or post-codependency healing?
This is the kind of work I do every day with high-functioning, too-tightly-wound adults who are tired of surviving their own life. If you’re ready to start letting go of the scaffolding that has held you up but held you back along the way, I’d be honored to help. Curious about EMDR, treating anxiety, or OCD And how these might affect you, read on for more!

Waking at night is totally normal—most people wake up a few times each night between sleep cycles. The issue isn’t the waking itself; it’s the struggle to fall back asleep. Here are some evidence-based strategies to help:

🔁 Step 1: Don’t Panic. Don’t Check the Clock.

Why: Clock-watching creates performance anxiety about sleep (“It’s 3:17 a.m. and I have to be up in 3 hours!”).

Try Instead: Turn your clock away or use a clock with no light. Remind yourself: “My job is to rest, not force sleep.”

🧠 Step 2: Use a “Sleep Script” to Settle the Mind – Waking at Night does mean Panic!

Why: Racing thoughts keep you alert. Pre-planning a gentle mental routine gives your brain something predictable to do.

Try:

• Repeat a calming word or phrase like “rest,” “safe,” or “nothing to do.”
• Picture a familiar walk or drive (e.g., walking the dog or driving a childhood route).
• Try alphabet games: “A is for apple, B is for beach…”
• Use your senses: “What would it feel like to sit on a porch with warm tea right now?”
• Countdown with Active Verbs: Take a deep breath in before you count and before you say the word. For example:
  • 10 (breathe in and out) relaxing
  • 9 (breathe in and out) softening
  • 8 (breathe in and out) resting
  • Continue down to 1 using slow, gentle breaths and soothing verbs that invite rest.

🚱 Step 3: If You’re Awake for 15–20 Minutes, Get Out of Bed

Why: Your brain starts to associate your bed with being awake and frustrated instead of sleepy and relaxed.

Try Instead:

• Sit somewhere dim and read something neutral (not exciting or scary).
• Avoid screens—especially scrolling your phone.
• When you feel sleepy, go back to bed.
  (Repeat as needed—this trains your brain to connect bed = sleep.)

🧘 Step 4: Try a Body-Based Reset for Waking at Night

Why: Activating your parasympathetic nervous system helps your body shift out of alert mode.

Try:

• 4-7-8 Breathing: Inhale 4, hold 7, exhale 8.
• Use sleep meditation or hypnosis from Calm or Better Sleep app
• Progressive relaxation: Starting at your feet, slowly tense and relax each muscle group.
• Weighted blanket (if helpful for you): can calm sensory system.

⚠️ Bonus Tips to Prevent Waking in the First Place:

• Limit alcohol and sugar close to bedtime.
• Keep bedroom cool, quiet, and dark.
• Keep a consistent wake-up time—even on weekends.
• Stop caffeine by early afternoon.
• Avoid checking emails or to-dos right before bed (activates the mind).

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Middle-of-the-night waking is frustrating but fixable. These tools help train your brain and body to stop fighting wake-ups and ease back into rest. If the problem persists, a trained therapist can help with cognitive behavioral strategies for insomnia (CBT-I).

Struggling with anxiety based night wakings and want to get more personalized help? Reach out for a free consultation to see how I might be able to help you tame your anxiety and sleep better again